The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theatre. 1977

Rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, in order to provide articles for people who can't read.

When god created Republicans, he gave up on everything else.

There is no hell. There is only France.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. 'Be-Bop Tango'

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.

My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner? Senate Hearing on Porn Rock (1985) in response to Tipper Gore's allegations that music incites people towards deviant behavior, or influences their behavior in general (he is referring to his song "Montana").

Music is the most physically inspiring of all the Arts. From a keynote address to the American Society of University Composers

If people stop copying my music, I should start to worry.

The person who stands up and says, 'This is stupid,' either is asked to behave or, worse, is greeted with a cheerful 'Yes, we know! Isn't it terrific!'

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Tobacco is my favorite vegetable. Interview, 1993.

Gail has said in interviews that one of the things that makes our relationship work is the fact that we hardly ever get to talk to each other.

On a personal level, Freaking Out is a process whereby an individual casts off outmoded and restricting standards of thinking, dress, and social etiquette in order to express creatively his relationship to his immediate environment and the social structure as a whole. Zappa's liner notes for 'Freak Out'

The first thing you have to do if you want to raise nice kids, is you have to talk to them like they are people instead of talking to them like they're property. Frank Zappa on Howard Stern, 1987

I'm probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do.

Basically I'm in the idea business -- whether it's a musical idea or a spoken idea ... If you wind up with a political system that wants to put idea men out of business, then you have worry on your hands.